The 6th Love Language — Ask A Question
Everyone at some point in their lives has heard, or will hear of the 5 love languages. A book written by Gary Chapman, the ‘5 Love Languages’ articulates how people generally experience and express love. This book is driven towards romantic relationships, but oddly enough, can be viewed through the lens towards any relationship or person.
It’s a fascinating concept and one to which has opened my eyes to how people communicate. While I believe this book covers the general nature of sending and receiving communication through our own unique way, I’ve reflected on a concept that I have found to be vastly attractive to those I meet.
Have you ever had someone ask you, “Hey, how are you?”. You know, the typical universal question when first acknowledging someones presence. Lady in the grocery isle scanning your items, “Hi, how are ya?” or the person holding the door as you enter the breakfast joint, “How ya doing?”
We likely respond with the universal answer, “Good, how are you?” or “Good, thanks.” Then, per the automatic transition back to our auto-pilot life we continue to pass by going about our busy day and forget to acknowledge how powerful that question can be.
What I have found to be my “6th Love Language” is when someone asks me a question and they genuinely care about my answer. They turn with their whole being, look me in the eyes and ask, “How are you?” Starring intently into my eyes with this open, soft, yet focused gaze, they await what I have to say.
It hit me one morning during a conversation with my journal entry. Later that day ironically enough, I had a conversation with a women who articulated the very concept I was journaling about. She said, “my life changed when my friend called me one morning and asked me, ‘how are you?’ and I sat back in my chair completely melted with just that one question — it changed my life.”
You see, when something becomes so automatic the meaningful nature it can have seems to wash away the more it is used. Asking “How are you?” can change someone’s life. CAN CHANGE SOMEONES LIFE! It did for me and it did for this woman I spoke with.
As we go about our busy days, I invite you to be mindful about the questions you ask and what questions you are asked. Does the person really care what your answer is? Are they listening with their whole body, mind, and spirit on your words? Are they distracted by the surroundings or are they intently focused on what you have to say?
Friends, a question can be one of the most powerful tools in our tool kit. It has the power to break someone or mend them back together. It can be used to provide information or to send a meaningful message.
I firmly believe that asking someone a question could be the universal love language, if done with genuine attention and love. Every single person on this planet wants to be heard and seen. What does a question do? It forces us to literally look at a person (see), and then listen to what they have to say (hear). It’s a way to show love towards that person and then for that person to reciprocate that love back to you.
In closing reflection, I find it absolutely intentional that I am in a business that is solely driven to ask questions. Giving someone your time can be the greatest gift you give, but taking it a step further and giving someone your time and attention through a question, can likely be the greatest gift you’ll receive.
Happy Day,
Kahla